Another Wall - March 5th Update

The past week or so has been difficult. I may have hit another wall. 

This past weekend the robotics team that I help out with competed in San Antonio. The competition was about as good as we could have hoped for, though there were some parts that really ticked me off. The refs made poor calls, the game itself is flawed, and there were more than several difficult moments. Staying positive was hard. I slipped a lot. Saturday evening after the competition was over and all the bad things had happened, I was not in a good mood. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I was upset and I wanted to be bitter and negative. I texted several friends that live in different areas that are somewhat familiar with what I was going through, and they tried to cheer me up, or at least get me out of the cloud of negativity that was surrounding me. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I still wanted to be bitter.

The next day, I wasn’t in a bad mood anymore. The relatives that I had stayed with helped me to be not be so negative and look on the bright side of things. Driving back from San Antonio, though, was an ordeal all on its own. It had started sleeting and icing and the roads were bad. Traffic was horrible, and I ended up taking a crazy detour and staying the night in Dallas with a friend. No way was I going to drive back to my apartment and hour away from Dallas with roads that bad. 

On the drive though, I kept complaining. I had a friend in the car with me, and I’m so grateful that he puts up with my ranting and bitterness. I’m trying to change, but recently it’s been getting harder. I’m aware of my complaining at least, and at one point mused out loud why I complain so much. I honestly don’t know. It was a rhetorical question, but my friend answered anyway, asking questions so that I could try to understand myself a little bit better. I think it may be a cry for attention, but I’m not 100% positive.

After this past weekend, I’ve been doing a little better. I’ve been trying to catch myself again when I start acting too bitter, but I feel like I’m almost back to the beginning. I recognize when I’m being negative, but I’m not exactly doing anything to change my thoughts. I have to keep pushing through, though. Eventually I’ll get back on track. Baby steps.