Today I saw an article talking about “The Actual Difference Between Women Who are Hot and Women Who are Beautiful.” Though this isn’t closely related to positivity, I think there’s something to be said about being happy with who you are and how you look. Positivity brings out the beauty in people, as does doing things for yourself. That being said, I’ve seen a lot of these kinds of articles lately. The talk about how we make ourselves up just to be ogled by men. How we have to put on layers and layers of makeup to be “pretty.”
I agree this is an issue in our society, but I think we’re making it a bigger deal than it really is. Talk to an average woman and I bet you’ll hear her say how exhausting it is to look the way society tells us to, but I bet you’ll also hear her say something about how she doesn’t always comply with the standards set. She’s probably wearing her hair in a ponytail with little makeup, perfectly beautiful but saying she looks “ratchet” or “a hot mess.” Women need to stop and actually realize that the magazines we read are written by women, for women, about what men want. Anyone else see the problem here? Men aren’t actually the ones saying what they’re looking for. I see a whole other problem here about women only doing things for men, but this is not the place or time to get into that.
Before I go too much further, let me explain a little about me. I rarely wear makeup. It’s not to make a statement about the pressures of society, but it’s because I love being able to rub my eyes whenever I want to, which is really nice after a particularly sleepless night. It took me a while to be happy with myself after I stopped wearing makeup. I still prefer the way I look with eyeliner and eyeshadow on, but I can more easily recognize my own beauty without makeup now.
I also have a lot of male friends. I prefer they’re company rather than female company because of the simplicity. Men don’t really beat around the bush. They’re more honest and don’t worry about hurting feelings or deception to make someone feel better. They also don’t have the drama that women have. They’re straightforward and won’t pretend to be your friend when they secretly (or not so secretly) hate you. I’m friends with all types of guys too. Party types, chill types, funny types, pretty much any personality you can think of. And I’ve talked to nearly all of them about their opinions of makeup. So now that you know where I’m coming from, I’ll continue.
It still surprises me when a guy tells me that they prefer when women don’t wear makeup. Two of my guy friends that I’ve talked to most recently both said that a girl is more beautiful and attractive when they’re not wearing makeup. That’s right. They said beautiful. Not pretty, beautiful. One of these guys I expected it from. He seemed like the kind of guy that prefers a girl au natural. The other guy, however, really surprised me. It started when he said that he like my hair in a ponytail. At that time, I had just pulled my hair back because it was hot and in my way. It wasn’t a ponytail that take 20 minutes to do. It was a 20 second ponytail. My hair was frizzy and fluffy and not in any way what I or most other girls would consider attractive. And I still got a compliment. Word for word, it was “I like your hair in a ponytail. You don’t wear it like that very often.”
Since one of my points of change is to accept compliments more easily, I said thank you and didn’t deny it. I don’t like the way my hair looks in a ponytail. Society makes us feel that plain ponytails are for working out, not being present in everyday life. So I was surprised to get this compliment. From here, the conversation segued into makeup and society telling us what to do. My friend said that he could tell when girls that don’t normally wear makeup are wearing makeup, and that he doesn’t like it. Which surprised me, because I had pegged him as the type of guy that likes a girl to be made as “attractive” as possible. But he said that less makeup is better. That women are prettier without it. I tried to explain that society tells us what to do and how to look, and then he retorted with “but I’m the guy. I’m the one you’re trying to impress. So why aren’t you listening to what I want and what I like?”
This made me pause. Even me, the person who doesn’t wear makeup for anyone else when I do bother to put it on, was caught off-guard at this comment. If we are trying to impress men, why aren’t we listening to them? Why aren’t we asking them at every turn what they like, what they dislike? Why are we paying any attention to these magazines written by women who aren’t men, and therefore don’t know what men want? Why are we trying so hard to impress people that don’t necessarily like what we’re doing? And I guess the biggest question that doesn’t really go along with this post is: why are we trying to impress other people by changing who we are? I’ve found the best way to impress people, or at least gain their attention and respect, is to be true to myself. I do things for me. I don’t care what others say. I don’t try to impress people with my looks or clothes or accessories, and therefore impress people with my independence. Whenever I tell a guy that I don’t wear makeup because I don’t want to conform to society, I always notice their awe. They’re impressed that I’m my own person. Or rather, they’re impressed that I’m a woman and I’m my own person.
I read an article a while ago (or maybe a book) that talked about thinking like a man. Articles like this, while trying to be helpful, are still perpetuating sexism. Why must women think like men? Why can’t we think like women? Why can’t we all think like humans? Why do we have to differentiate between the sexes in things like thinking? By telling women that we should ‘think like a man’ we tell them that being a woman means you’re lesser. It means that thinking like a woman is a bad thing.
So I think empowering women is the best way to get around the whole sexism thing. By empowering women, we make them feel happy in their own skin. We make them feel that they don’t need to change to be beautiful or impress people. The best way to impress someone is to be yourself, and if someone isn’t impressed by that, then they’re not worthy of your time.
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