It's been a long time since I've posted. Life got in the way and I learned a lot about myself. I apologize if this post gets lengthy or boring. But here goes.
The whole reason I started this blog was to try and find the little things in my life that made me happy. To try using positivity to get my brain less focused on the negative and more focused on why I should be loving life. That is something I've always struggled with. I've gone through rough patches where I felt gloomy all the time. I've been attracted to darker topics and mental illnesses, while fascinating, didn't seem real to me. I read books about drug abuse and human trafficking, bipolar disorder and having to go to rehab. I loved these stories (thank you Ellen Hopkins) because I didn't have to pretend to be happy while reading them. I related because the characters' lives were worse than mine, but they faced similar struggles. Nothing went right. It was all a downward spiral. But the end was left with hope.
My story didn't seem to have hope. I was lost in the fall of anger and bitterness and breakdowns every night. I couldn't focus on school or work or anything. Life felt meaningless. And things kept getting worse.
Things were hard before I was torn from the one thing in my life that seemed to be going well. That's why I had this blog. To hold myself accountable for the good. But then the bomb dropped and I lost all my friends. I lost my livelihood and had to figure out how to keep going.
I kept falling.
While in my bitterness, I had talked to some acquaintances. #BellLetsTalk showed up on twitter one day. A dear friend of mine was telling his story 140 characters at a time. He shared his struggle with mental illnesses and suicide attempts. That was when I realized I wasn't alone. I realized my fucked up brain wasn't "just me". I had depression. It took courage to tell people and open up. My friend helped me through the worst of it and is still there for me. He gave me the strength to go to a doctor and ask for help.
It wasn't easy. Medication had side effects. I couldn't start it right away because of a work trip from hell. I had cut a few times before, but the second night of that trip was the first one that left a scar. I was a mess. I wished I could end my life then and there. But my support system of one came to my hotel room, picked me up off the floor, and said it was alright. He validated my feelings instead of brushing them away. He made it possible to keep going.
I felt so numb.
I started 10mg of Celexa as soon as I got back home. The numbness was still there, along with new problems from the medication. I slept all the time. I was never hungry. My focus was worse than before. But I kept on.
Two weeks later the side effects were gone. I had to force myself to eat, but I made it through. I went back for a checkup a month after I started taking meds. I wasn't better. I didn't feel so numb, but I wasn't back to normal.
The doctor upped my dosage. 20 mg of Celexa.
Things got better. Life felt fine again. I would still have bad days. I still cut occasionally, but only on my really bad days. For the most part, I felt back to normal. I would have drastic mood swings, but not as bad as they had been. I was surviving. I started breaking the pills after a while to take 30mg. It helped, but I needed to go back to the doctor.
I was put on the highest dosage. 40mg.
Since then, I've been good. I feel normal. I have happy days and the darkness is behind me. Some days I can feel it creeping up, but it's never as bad as it was pre-medication.
I still struggle every now and then, though. I have trouble crying. Sadness is no longer an intense emotion, it's just numbness. School is rough and work is even worse. But even with job hunting and all the obstacles I have now, I'm learning to cope.
Meditation has helped lots. Headspace has done wonders for keeping my mind clear. Even though it tells me to keep others in mind and how my meditation will positively effect them, I don't. Meditation is for me, in the most selfish form. It's how I keep sane. It's how I clear the thoughts that won't subside. The SOS sessions help me when I'm at my worst and breaking down.
So life hasn't been that positive over the last year, but I'm making it through all the same.
One day at a time, one week at a time.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Bitterness
So it's been forever since I've posted. Life is was good and I had nothing to blog about. I was staying happy and surrounding myself with happiness. I didn't have any major battles with new situations that arose, just dealt with them in ways that caused me little or no stress. I found ways to cope, and it was great.
My next battle, though, will probably be one of the hardest I've ever fought. A little backstory:
My freshman year of high school I joined the robotics team because my best friend's brother was on it and it sounded fun. It consumed my life for the rest of high school and the next two years of college. While in college, I was a mentor. I helped out with photography, graphic design, and a few miscellaneous marketing projects. It was great, and I loved it even though it was super stressful and left me with little to no free time.
The way the program is set up, teams are given a challenge in the form of a game the first weekend in January each year. After "kickoff", teams have six weeks to design and build a robot to play the game. Mentors from the community come in to help highschoolers along with engineering and other things. After those six weeks are over, there's a one week break, then a seven week competition season. My old team has meetings almost every night for those 4 months.
While still on the team, as both a student and mentor, life was fine. I would make friends based on who was on the team, because I wouldn't see anyone else for 4 months out of the year and I never truly understood why. So I left my non-robotics friends behind and made new ones. I never anticipated that I would be a non-robotics person myself
My old school district had had some issues with alumni mentoring while they were still in college, and this past fall they made a rule that alumni cannot mentor the team for four years after they graduate. Since it's been two years (three this spring) since I graduated, I was "fired" from being on the team. At the time I was upset, but it's nice to have free time and focus on other things.
My current problem is that all the friends I've made weren't alumni of this team and are mentors. I used to see these people for 4 hours a night, 5 days a week during build season. During the offseason we'd hang out. We spent summer by the pool and at the park doing yoga. We had brunch weekend mornings that turned into dinner at some restaurant. Now I'm lucky to even have a passing conversation with one of them via text.
Today marks the end of week one of build season. I've had so muchfree alone time that I'm getting bitter. The friends I had in college before robotics started are still on break and won't be back in town for another week. And then I'm assuming I'll even have time to hang out with them and vice versa.
I've spent the last two nights in the gym. Even with the rush of endorphines that exercise gives you, I'm still upset. I'm angry that I didn't see this coming. I'm angry that even when I'm with the robotics people all they talk about is robots and robot strategy. I'm angry at the school district for forcing me out. I'm angry because even the two mentors that skip a decent amount of meetings don't even want to hang out with me, or get unexpectedly "tied up" with robots or work that they're not done until late.
I'm turning bitter towards all of my friends. I hate it, but I hate what the program has done to and taken away from me more. I'll try to post an update in the next week before classes start up again, but I don't know how long I'll be able to stay positive, if I'm even positive right now. I feel resentment, anger, bitterness, and loneliness. I had finally found friends, and now they're taken away from me.
My next battle, though, will probably be one of the hardest I've ever fought. A little backstory:
My freshman year of high school I joined the robotics team because my best friend's brother was on it and it sounded fun. It consumed my life for the rest of high school and the next two years of college. While in college, I was a mentor. I helped out with photography, graphic design, and a few miscellaneous marketing projects. It was great, and I loved it even though it was super stressful and left me with little to no free time.
The way the program is set up, teams are given a challenge in the form of a game the first weekend in January each year. After "kickoff", teams have six weeks to design and build a robot to play the game. Mentors from the community come in to help highschoolers along with engineering and other things. After those six weeks are over, there's a one week break, then a seven week competition season. My old team has meetings almost every night for those 4 months.
While still on the team, as both a student and mentor, life was fine. I would make friends based on who was on the team, because I wouldn't see anyone else for 4 months out of the year and I never truly understood why. So I left my non-robotics friends behind and made new ones. I never anticipated that I would be a non-robotics person myself
My old school district had had some issues with alumni mentoring while they were still in college, and this past fall they made a rule that alumni cannot mentor the team for four years after they graduate. Since it's been two years (three this spring) since I graduated, I was "fired" from being on the team. At the time I was upset, but it's nice to have free time and focus on other things.
My current problem is that all the friends I've made weren't alumni of this team and are mentors. I used to see these people for 4 hours a night, 5 days a week during build season. During the offseason we'd hang out. We spent summer by the pool and at the park doing yoga. We had brunch weekend mornings that turned into dinner at some restaurant. Now I'm lucky to even have a passing conversation with one of them via text.
Today marks the end of week one of build season. I've had so much
I've spent the last two nights in the gym. Even with the rush of endorphines that exercise gives you, I'm still upset. I'm angry that I didn't see this coming. I'm angry that even when I'm with the robotics people all they talk about is robots and robot strategy. I'm angry at the school district for forcing me out. I'm angry because even the two mentors that skip a decent amount of meetings don't even want to hang out with me, or get unexpectedly "tied up" with robots or work that they're not done until late.
I'm turning bitter towards all of my friends. I hate it, but I hate what the program has done to and taken away from me more. I'll try to post an update in the next week before classes start up again, but I don't know how long I'll be able to stay positive, if I'm even positive right now. I feel resentment, anger, bitterness, and loneliness. I had finally found friends, and now they're taken away from me.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
5 Pictures You Feel Beautiful In
Today I got challenged on Facebook to post 5 pictures that I think I look beautiful in. This whole challenge (and frankly, every challenge that crops up on Facebook), is a waste of time for me. And I think for most people.
I will not participate in this challenge. It is a waste of my time to scour the pictures out there of me and find ones that I look beautiful in. I am happy in my skin. I was in a weight loss competition at work, but I dropped out of it because I was losing too much weight. When I started the challenge, I thought it would be difficult to beat everyone because I didn't have a whole lot to lose. As I started losing weight, however, I became increasingly worried about how little I weighed (I started the competition at 138 lbs, and got down to 134 lbs before I dropped out).
Of course I have some things about my body I would change, but that doesn't extend beyond my wanting a slightly flatter stomach. Or at least, that's what I thought before I started losing weight. Once the pounds started coming off, I was getting anxious. I could feel my pants getting looser and my bras not filling out. I started to get scared. I love my boobs. And I really didn't want to deal with buying new bras and losing that precious fat. When I told people the real reason for me dropping out (I was uncomfortable with how "little" I weighed), they gave me weird looks. I felt ostracized for wanting to weigh more. It says something about our society when I can't say that I want to weigh more without getting glares and confused looks.
People didn't understand that I was comfortable with myself. We're expected to be uncomfortable with who we are. Diets pop up overnight and everyone needs to be on one to 'get that perfect summer bod!' We're pressured to be stick figures and to never be satisfied.
There's nothing wrong with you the way you are. You are beautiful no matter what anyone says. If you feel beautiful and happy in your own skin, why should you have to show it off to everyone? Confidence is great, but it's a slap in the face those who aren't comfortable.
All that being said, I understand why this challenge exists and why it's good for some women. Since a lot of people can't see their own beauty, they have to be challenged to find it in still pictures. They have to be forced to find good things about themselves. We focus too much on what's wrong with ourselves that we can't see the good.
I stopped focusing on the bad parts of me a while ago. It was too draining. I spent too much energy worrying about things I couldn't change.
So instead of challenging you to post 5 pictures of yourself where you feel beautiful, I challenge you to take 5 minutes each day to forget everything you think is wrong with you and focus on what makes you a beautiful person. I challenge you to stop worrying about things you can't change and start living a healthier life with a more positive outlook on yourself.
I will not participate in this challenge. It is a waste of my time to scour the pictures out there of me and find ones that I look beautiful in. I am happy in my skin. I was in a weight loss competition at work, but I dropped out of it because I was losing too much weight. When I started the challenge, I thought it would be difficult to beat everyone because I didn't have a whole lot to lose. As I started losing weight, however, I became increasingly worried about how little I weighed (I started the competition at 138 lbs, and got down to 134 lbs before I dropped out).
Of course I have some things about my body I would change, but that doesn't extend beyond my wanting a slightly flatter stomach. Or at least, that's what I thought before I started losing weight. Once the pounds started coming off, I was getting anxious. I could feel my pants getting looser and my bras not filling out. I started to get scared. I love my boobs. And I really didn't want to deal with buying new bras and losing that precious fat. When I told people the real reason for me dropping out (I was uncomfortable with how "little" I weighed), they gave me weird looks. I felt ostracized for wanting to weigh more. It says something about our society when I can't say that I want to weigh more without getting glares and confused looks.
People didn't understand that I was comfortable with myself. We're expected to be uncomfortable with who we are. Diets pop up overnight and everyone needs to be on one to 'get that perfect summer bod!' We're pressured to be stick figures and to never be satisfied.
There's nothing wrong with you the way you are. You are beautiful no matter what anyone says. If you feel beautiful and happy in your own skin, why should you have to show it off to everyone? Confidence is great, but it's a slap in the face those who aren't comfortable.
All that being said, I understand why this challenge exists and why it's good for some women. Since a lot of people can't see their own beauty, they have to be challenged to find it in still pictures. They have to be forced to find good things about themselves. We focus too much on what's wrong with ourselves that we can't see the good.
I stopped focusing on the bad parts of me a while ago. It was too draining. I spent too much energy worrying about things I couldn't change.
So instead of challenging you to post 5 pictures of yourself where you feel beautiful, I challenge you to take 5 minutes each day to forget everything you think is wrong with you and focus on what makes you a beautiful person. I challenge you to stop worrying about things you can't change and start living a healthier life with a more positive outlook on yourself.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Acceptance
The past two days have taught me something valuable. Some more valuable, perhaps, than being happy. After realizing it today, I think that what I learned may be a very big step towards happiness and positive thinking. What I've learned? Acceptance.
You need to accept the things that happen, both good and bad. I don't think many people actually reject the good things that happen, but being in denial or rejecting the bad things that happen to you can get in the way of being happy.
Some things have been going not the way I want them to the past few days. My emotions have been off, and I feel like I've been on a miniature rollercoaster with my emotions. Today a few things happened that could have ruined my day. I could have been devastated. I probably would have been angry any other day at these things that happen that are outside of my control. By the third not-so-great thing that happened to me today, I had a moment of disappointment/anger, but then I said 'fuck it'. It's a phrase I've started to say a lot lately. 'Fuck who cares if I do something for me,' 'Fuck trying to bottle up my feelings and not communicate,' 'Fuck being unhappy because of circumstances that aren't always in my control.' And after I said 'fuck it' today, I accepted what happened. I accepted the fact that I probably won't go anywhere for Memorial Weekend. I accepted the fact that I'll probably go with my parents to New Mexico in June. I accepted that people change and I won't always get to know why.
After I accepted all these things, it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I feel lighter and more carefree. Not completely carefree, because I can't operate like that, but not so concerned with other people. It's something that I feel like I used to know, but am finding out through actual trial and error, rather than what I've seen in the media/on TV/read in books. There's something oddly rewarding about learning a lesson like this on your own. I guess that's what they call life experience.
You need to accept the things that happen, both good and bad. I don't think many people actually reject the good things that happen, but being in denial or rejecting the bad things that happen to you can get in the way of being happy.
Some things have been going not the way I want them to the past few days. My emotions have been off, and I feel like I've been on a miniature rollercoaster with my emotions. Today a few things happened that could have ruined my day. I could have been devastated. I probably would have been angry any other day at these things that happen that are outside of my control. By the third not-so-great thing that happened to me today, I had a moment of disappointment/anger, but then I said 'fuck it'. It's a phrase I've started to say a lot lately. 'Fuck who cares if I do something for me,' 'Fuck trying to bottle up my feelings and not communicate,' 'Fuck being unhappy because of circumstances that aren't always in my control.' And after I said 'fuck it' today, I accepted what happened. I accepted the fact that I probably won't go anywhere for Memorial Weekend. I accepted the fact that I'll probably go with my parents to New Mexico in June. I accepted that people change and I won't always get to know why.
After I accepted all these things, it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I feel lighter and more carefree. Not completely carefree, because I can't operate like that, but not so concerned with other people. It's something that I feel like I used to know, but am finding out through actual trial and error, rather than what I've seen in the media/on TV/read in books. There's something oddly rewarding about learning a lesson like this on your own. I guess that's what they call life experience.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Up from Failure, Down from Happiness
So last time I blogged I was in the middle of a major breakdown. Since then I've talked to a few of the people directly involved with the situation and tried to make amends. It definitely got some things off my chest and made me feel a little better, but I still haven't really had a good day since I was in California over a week ago.
I can't attribute all of my depression (because that's what it feels like. It's not me being sad and exaggerating it, it's actually depression, though a mild form) to the stress of finals week or the worry about my failure. Most of my finals are over and the one real test I have, I'm not crazy worried about. It's not political science so I think I actually have a fighting chance.
I think my depression stems from one of two things. 1) I started birth control last Sunday, and that's designed to fuck with my hormones. This is the most likely of the two. 2) Drama in my personal life. This is probably exacerbating the effects of birth control, but it's definitely not helping. Ever have a situation where you screwed up, apologized and assumed things were going to get better, then they really didn't? Like, they got better on the surface but there was still a lot of tension underneath? That's where I'm at with personal drama. And it sucks. Usually I'm the one to hold grudges for forever, but this time I'm ready to forgive and (all but) forget. I can't describe how much I dislike people being upset with me, and I still feel that negativity coming off of people. It feels like things will never be the same and that one particular person is ready to create distance between us.
It hurts a little. We're close, me and this person, and I'm not ready to handle this "break up" (because even friendships are relationships), if that's even what it is. I'm fairly close to cutting things off myself to save myself from any more pain it might cause me. It's not the first time this particular friendship has caused me anxiety, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Until this past year I was fairly quiet and had next to no drama in my life. Since I've gained a couple friendships it seems every few months my life gets turned on end. I love these people, but I don't know if it's worth it in the long run to keep them as friends.
Trying to stay positive through all of this is hard. Since my major breakdown last week I've been able to find at least a few things to be happy about, but my days have overall been very bland. Or I guess monotone would be a good way to describe them. Gray, almost? Like everything is one dull color and even the spring sunshine can't wash away the funk that I'm in. It's hard for me. Not only is it frustrating to me for my own happiness, but it's been hindering my school work, and I know it. My motivation is gone (not that I've ever had much motivation when it comes to writing papers anyway), and I'm even more worried about my grades than I have been in the past.
I thought things would cool down after we all got back from California, but tensions are still high and I'm having a hard time dealing with the stress from work, school, and the personal drama.
I can't attribute all of my depression (because that's what it feels like. It's not me being sad and exaggerating it, it's actually depression, though a mild form) to the stress of finals week or the worry about my failure. Most of my finals are over and the one real test I have, I'm not crazy worried about. It's not political science so I think I actually have a fighting chance.
I think my depression stems from one of two things. 1) I started birth control last Sunday, and that's designed to fuck with my hormones. This is the most likely of the two. 2) Drama in my personal life. This is probably exacerbating the effects of birth control, but it's definitely not helping. Ever have a situation where you screwed up, apologized and assumed things were going to get better, then they really didn't? Like, they got better on the surface but there was still a lot of tension underneath? That's where I'm at with personal drama. And it sucks. Usually I'm the one to hold grudges for forever, but this time I'm ready to forgive and (all but) forget. I can't describe how much I dislike people being upset with me, and I still feel that negativity coming off of people. It feels like things will never be the same and that one particular person is ready to create distance between us.
It hurts a little. We're close, me and this person, and I'm not ready to handle this "break up" (because even friendships are relationships), if that's even what it is. I'm fairly close to cutting things off myself to save myself from any more pain it might cause me. It's not the first time this particular friendship has caused me anxiety, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Until this past year I was fairly quiet and had next to no drama in my life. Since I've gained a couple friendships it seems every few months my life gets turned on end. I love these people, but I don't know if it's worth it in the long run to keep them as friends.
Trying to stay positive through all of this is hard. Since my major breakdown last week I've been able to find at least a few things to be happy about, but my days have overall been very bland. Or I guess monotone would be a good way to describe them. Gray, almost? Like everything is one dull color and even the spring sunshine can't wash away the funk that I'm in. It's hard for me. Not only is it frustrating to me for my own happiness, but it's been hindering my school work, and I know it. My motivation is gone (not that I've ever had much motivation when it comes to writing papers anyway), and I'm even more worried about my grades than I have been in the past.
I thought things would cool down after we all got back from California, but tensions are still high and I'm having a hard time dealing with the stress from work, school, and the personal drama.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Failure
This past week or so has been a roller coaster. Last weekend I was invited to help with the VEX Robotics World Championship in Anaheim. I had the best 4 days of my life there. I got to be a part of something amazing and incredibly fun. However, problems arose when I got back.
After not getting much sleep during the event, I was incredibly tired. I slept through two of my classes, woke up even more sick than I was when I left California, and barely made it to dinner and back before collapsing in my apartment.
Because it's dead week and I go to a school that likes to have finals during dead week, not finals week, I'm already incredibly stressed about projects and exams, not to mention that I am still sick 4 days later and I haven't really gotten any better at all.
To pile on top of the craziness of my life, Tuesday night I had a bomb dropped on me. It's safe to say that it turned my life upside down, and I've been having an insanely hard time coping with it. I've failed miserably. I feel like a failure in every aspect. I screwed up big, and it taunts me constantly.
Through all of this, I've learned who my real friends are and without them I would not have made it. I wouldn't have had the motivation to finish a major project, deal with things that needed to be dealt with, or even leave my room. It's difficult. I went from the best week of my life to the worst and I can honestly say that I'm having major problems staying positive through all of it. One thing helps though (besides my friends), and that's my 100 happy days challenge. At this point it really is a challenge. Every other day I had a lot of different options as to what made me happy. The past few days there has literally only been one thing a day that makes me happy. Tuesday was Starbucks (before the bomb dropped) and my friend Jason. If it weren't for him, I would still be curled in the fetal position on my bed. Yesterday was my friend Adrienne. Without her I don't know where I would be. She has always been there for me, and I've never been more grateful.
I'm still worried about everything, though. I screwed up big time, and I can't express how horrible I feel. I think about this particular failure constantly, and it's probably interfered with the three finals I've taken since Tuesday night. I feel like I shouldn't be trusted, and it's a hard thing to hate yourself this much this constantly.
To make matters worse, I've started to realize some other things in my life that aren't healthy. I'm planning out my course of action, but I would much rather run away than have the inevitable conversation that's going to happen. I don't like confrontation. I don't like people being mad at me. And right now I'm having to deal with both.
I don't know what to do or how I'm going to get through it. I'm trying my hardest to keep things together and to try and stay positive through all of this mess. It's beyond difficult, but I'm also being made to realize just how great some people in my life are. Let's just hope I can survive this mess without getting too screwed up on the way through.
After not getting much sleep during the event, I was incredibly tired. I slept through two of my classes, woke up even more sick than I was when I left California, and barely made it to dinner and back before collapsing in my apartment.
Because it's dead week and I go to a school that likes to have finals during dead week, not finals week, I'm already incredibly stressed about projects and exams, not to mention that I am still sick 4 days later and I haven't really gotten any better at all.
To pile on top of the craziness of my life, Tuesday night I had a bomb dropped on me. It's safe to say that it turned my life upside down, and I've been having an insanely hard time coping with it. I've failed miserably. I feel like a failure in every aspect. I screwed up big, and it taunts me constantly.
Through all of this, I've learned who my real friends are and without them I would not have made it. I wouldn't have had the motivation to finish a major project, deal with things that needed to be dealt with, or even leave my room. It's difficult. I went from the best week of my life to the worst and I can honestly say that I'm having major problems staying positive through all of it. One thing helps though (besides my friends), and that's my 100 happy days challenge. At this point it really is a challenge. Every other day I had a lot of different options as to what made me happy. The past few days there has literally only been one thing a day that makes me happy. Tuesday was Starbucks (before the bomb dropped) and my friend Jason. If it weren't for him, I would still be curled in the fetal position on my bed. Yesterday was my friend Adrienne. Without her I don't know where I would be. She has always been there for me, and I've never been more grateful.
I'm still worried about everything, though. I screwed up big time, and I can't express how horrible I feel. I think about this particular failure constantly, and it's probably interfered with the three finals I've taken since Tuesday night. I feel like I shouldn't be trusted, and it's a hard thing to hate yourself this much this constantly.
To make matters worse, I've started to realize some other things in my life that aren't healthy. I'm planning out my course of action, but I would much rather run away than have the inevitable conversation that's going to happen. I don't like confrontation. I don't like people being mad at me. And right now I'm having to deal with both.
I don't know what to do or how I'm going to get through it. I'm trying my hardest to keep things together and to try and stay positive through all of this mess. It's beyond difficult, but I'm also being made to realize just how great some people in my life are. Let's just hope I can survive this mess without getting too screwed up on the way through.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
100 Happy Days
While scrolling through Facebook yesterday, I saw that one of my friends (vague acquaintance, really) had posted a link to this site. The bright yellow of the page preview was what caught my attention, but after quickly looking through the site, I realized that this is a great part in my journey to positivity/happiness.
Let's take a break here and explain the site, since I'm sure many of you won't actually click on the link. The website is 100 Happy Days. It's a challenge to take a picture of one thing that makes you happy over the course of 100 days. The website states that "71% of people tried to complete this challenge, but failed quoting lack of time as the main reason. These people simply did not have time to be happy. Do you?"
This challenge appeals to me for many different reasons. Before I switched my major to graphic design, I was a photo major, and I've done the 'photo a day for a month' challenges and I've even completed the 'photo a day for a year' challenge. I like being challenged, and I like taking pictures. And now, I'm challenged to take pictures everyday of things that make me happy. This is different than my Mr. Mood app that I've mentioned before, where I simply track my mood. This is forcing myself to find something every single day that makes me happy.
Since I began this blog, I've already noticed that I'm happier and focusing more on the good things, but I still have bad days, even though they are rarer than they've ever been. This may seem crazy or selfish, but I want to be happier. I want to realize just how good my life is, and I think I've only just begun to realize the really good things in my life.
100 Happy Days gives some more good reasons to do this challenge.
My friend that I wrote about in my first post read it, and said that he does have bad days, he just hides it because people respond to positivity and feed off of it. The happier you appear to be, the happier people around you will be. I've realized this after hanging out with him more. I've had one day where I just wasn't feeling happy, but I was around a lot of people. I put on the persona that nothing was wrong, and I realized that people didn't shun me the way they normally do when I'm in a bad mood. It was exhausting to pretend to be in a better mood than I was, but overall it kept me from sulking into an even worse mood.
So this is my next challenge. I didn't want to start it so soon because I'm so busy between school and robots, but I realized that this is the entire point of the challenge: to find time to be happy even when you're super busy. So today I started the challenge. I'm posting my pictures on instagram (@amyznaga) with the hashtag #100happydays. I encourage you to start your own 100 Happy Days challenge and see how great life really is.
Let's take a break here and explain the site, since I'm sure many of you won't actually click on the link. The website is 100 Happy Days. It's a challenge to take a picture of one thing that makes you happy over the course of 100 days. The website states that "71% of people tried to complete this challenge, but failed quoting lack of time as the main reason. These people simply did not have time to be happy. Do you?"
This challenge appeals to me for many different reasons. Before I switched my major to graphic design, I was a photo major, and I've done the 'photo a day for a month' challenges and I've even completed the 'photo a day for a year' challenge. I like being challenged, and I like taking pictures. And now, I'm challenged to take pictures everyday of things that make me happy. This is different than my Mr. Mood app that I've mentioned before, where I simply track my mood. This is forcing myself to find something every single day that makes me happy.
Since I began this blog, I've already noticed that I'm happier and focusing more on the good things, but I still have bad days, even though they are rarer than they've ever been. This may seem crazy or selfish, but I want to be happier. I want to realize just how good my life is, and I think I've only just begun to realize the really good things in my life.
100 Happy Days gives some more good reasons to do this challenge.
Even just keeping track of my mood has made me realize a few of these points already, but I want to be happy all the time, or at least put on that persona.
My friend that I wrote about in my first post read it, and said that he does have bad days, he just hides it because people respond to positivity and feed off of it. The happier you appear to be, the happier people around you will be. I've realized this after hanging out with him more. I've had one day where I just wasn't feeling happy, but I was around a lot of people. I put on the persona that nothing was wrong, and I realized that people didn't shun me the way they normally do when I'm in a bad mood. It was exhausting to pretend to be in a better mood than I was, but overall it kept me from sulking into an even worse mood.
So this is my next challenge. I didn't want to start it so soon because I'm so busy between school and robots, but I realized that this is the entire point of the challenge: to find time to be happy even when you're super busy. So today I started the challenge. I'm posting my pictures on instagram (@amyznaga) with the hashtag #100happydays. I encourage you to start your own 100 Happy Days challenge and see how great life really is.
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